1. Family Background
Having a very humble family background, I'm always craving for that one day where I become successful to support my family. I've made some plans in taking up part-time jobs, but it's quite in a stagnant stage now. It saddens me how little I can do to help, that I'm near despair. Every time I'm being shown a ray of light, it always backs down on me. I know I've talked about how lucky I have been all this time, but I'm starting to figure it's going downhill. I feel like I can never get what I want.
2. Social Standing
I've always envied bloggers who get sponsors for almost every aspect of their lives and get paid tons of money to write a simple review. Who doesn't like a surprise all-paid trip to Bali or Paris? Or perhaps even a new house or car? Yes, I get that they have a huge following, but how did they even manage to get to that stage in the first place? Standing at a mean of 183 followers, this 'stage' seems almost impossible to reach. What's this X-factor that they have which I do not? It's very frustrating to even think about it. And I know how people say your worth is not defined by the number of likes and followers you have, but is it wrong to seek comfort in this superficial, yet real, number?
I've always been trying to make a breakthrough through various ways, be it online or offline, but this never seems to work out for me at all. I feel that people never appreciate my hard work or myself. I can never seem to make many new friends or that people just generally dislike me, that I'm just invisible.
4. Seizing opportunities but not given a chance
All this time, I've been seizing on every opportunity I get coming my way, but it feels like I was never given a chance to prove myself. All these are very frustrating, counting that I'm working hard as well as the others. If you were me, you'll eventually get tired of trying to make things work because it always seems to just give up on you.
All these accumulate to me being rather unenthusiastic about life in general recently. Together with my ever-weird dreams I've been having for the past year, everything tire me and I can feel that I'm wearing out and thin, just barely hanging on a thread.
Sorry for this very uninspiring post, but I really needed a platform to vent out whatever that has been on my mind recently.